obviously i was with you, right
and the boys were rehearsing for the concert they had that night
i had no f ucking idea where though
so anyway
after rehearsals
u and me went out to the stage
and i laid out my laptop
and we lay down on the floor on our stomachs
and we started watching django unchained omfg
and then the boys were just there
like, chatting
and then this girl appears omfg
she looked like a taller version of danielle gaston
and then i say: who the f uck is she
aly: max u just said that really loud
max: ... i know
liam laughs omfg and he said: she's our opening act
my lips become really pursed at this point and u start laughing like a mad man
and u say
aly: youre kidding, right
liam: nope
then the girl just says: here let me sing for you
and omfg this gir
l
this f ucking girl
was hanging on to harry like
a f ucking gecko
nd harry being the angel that he is pretended to be nice to her and everything
like it actually looked like he liked her
so anyway
the girl finally lets go of harry
and goes up to the mic
and slings her guitar over her shoulder
and starts singing horrible
(kind of like 5sos when they sing jasey rae god damn just thinking about it is making my ears bleed)
horribly*
and then omfg
we just tune her out and go back to the movie
and harry comes to lie down w us right, like he lies down next to me
then i sat up bc uncomfortable and he sat up too
and then aly
he BURIED HIS HEAD IN MY NECK
like f uck it felt so good and real and i could feel his curls tickling my cheek
and guh he was just breathing against my collarbone and just i wanted to die right then and there
like his forehead was on the crook of my neck
like idek what he was doing maybe that was just his way of saying hi
so anyway he looks up and says what are you girls watching
aly: django unchained u should watch with us
so he just sits there next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulder right
(reminder how we're not together yet, just friends)
and then i poke his stomach and say "sigh, i miss your chub"
and he says: what, im still chubby what are you talking about
(at this point niall comes along and sits beside u omfg baby)
and then f ucking danielle gaston keeps singing like a dying boar
and then she says: harry dear, what do you think
and then harry lies down again (on his back) and just rubs his eyes w his hands and he grunts
and then omfg aly i lie down on his stomach
and then i pull a bit of his shirt up and touch his rock-hard abs and say: harry, f uck you. this is rock-hard
harry: what are you talking about
niall: have you been using the ab-master supreme again, harry
harry: what did i do to deserve such an accusation
max: well your abs are rock-hard harry that can't occur naturally now can it
then harry moves his head up so it's like he's doing partial sit-ups wow what a showoff a sshole
harry: okay so i work out every once in a while so what
aly: shhhh django unchained shhhh
but i wasn't exactly saying it to harry i was chanting it to danielle gaston's general direction because i'm ruthless
niall scoots nearer beside me and then he whispers "i'm not the only one who thinks she's rather horrible at singing right"
then i shoot him a "ya think?" look at then you adjust your head on harry's stomach so that you were staring at the ceiling then you said in a quiet voice "you've got to get yourself someone who can actually sing for your opening act"
(danielle gaston was still at it)
then you sit back up and scoot beside me because django unchained
bUT HARRY SAT UP, SPREAD HIS LEGS, PULLED YOU FROM BEHIND, RESTED HIS CHIN ON YOUR SHOULDER, AND SAID, "HEY WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" IN THIS REALLY HUSKY MORNING VOICE (IT WASN'T EVEN MORNING WTF) THEN HE FRICKING GIGGLED (GIGGLED GODDAMMIT GIGGLED) BUT ONLY YOU HEARD IT THEN HE JUST. BURIES. HIS. HEAD. BETWEEN. YOUR. NECK. AND. HEAD.
and then i pounded niall's back (i'm sorry it's a real habit of mine when i'm excited or find something cute) and started kicking the air
then niall makes this strangled yelp bc im unknowingly choking him why my deadweight on his back
*with my dead weight on his back
then the gaston girl stops singing and looks at us
bc unintelligible sounds produced by highly-intelligent looking human beings in which 2/4 are superstars
and then in a sickeningly sweet voice she said "harry how was that? did you like it?"
then harry (who still had his arms wrapped around you) said "huh what? what was that?"
then i hopped off niall's back (bless his irish red cheeks) and sat beside him and pretended i was watching django
then you awkwardly pried harry's arms around you (but you didn't want to bc wow what an amazing feeling) then you sat beside me bc django
danielle: i asked you if you liked my singing?
harry: oh um yeah totally that was very um good
danielle: *confused expression on her face* good?
niall: yeah good why?
danielle: i sang my heart out FOR YOU and that's all you have to say?
aly: *whispers so only max and niall can hear* whoa there a sswipe
harry: um to be honest--
danielle: that wasn't just GOOD that was BLOODY BRILLIANT
niall: now listen here miss um--
max: *whispers to aly* they don't even know her name
aly: *whispers to max* i'm laughing so hard at this omg
harry: we're just saying that um your performance is good but there's room for improvement and we think you could--
niall: improve more yeah
harry: yeah um there's always room for improvement
aly: *whispers* unless you're you which in your case--
max: i'm pretty f ucking sure you have a whole COUNTRY's worth of room to improve on miss whatsyourlastname because let's be real you sounded like a goat being r aped
then hARRY F UCKING HARRY LAUGHED HIS REALLY F UCKING WEIRD-A SS PHANTOM CROAKY LAUGH OMFG
iall and i were howling in laughter omg i'm sorry but i kicked ur laptop
then daniellegaston!girl's mouth hung open and she was mumbling "how dare you" then "harry do something!"
then harry was like "sorry babe but i think you need to leave :) :) "
then she was all doe eyes and harry added "oh i mean leave to the dressing room we'll talk about your um less-than-alright performance there. professionally. without these little mingers to commentate"
then he shot max a dirty look but he was smirking damn sexayyy
niall didnt even flinch he just kept on laughing at her face omg bless
then daniellegaston!girl stomped backstage and there were snorting and chortling sounds omg
harry: max what did you do that for ???
max: oh don't even start with me harry you laughed first
niall: i (breathes) did (breathes) you (breathe) see (breathes) her (breathes) face (breathes) jesus
aly: (too busy laughing to even breathe so help me god)
then you c r a w l e d towards him and idk he sorta knew what you were gonna do so he spread his legs again and you just
cuddled
harry: what am i gonna do without you?
max: i don't know you'll probably be bumpin' it up with goat r ape voice girl over there
harry: you're so mean
max: why thank you i try my best
his chin grazes your shoulder
and you just
omg
feel his lips on ur shoulder
fuq
my life
 
the end

but anywayy
the people backstage were already cheering for the boys
the first to enter was liam then lou
then harry followed and you stood up to congratulate him first (bc boyfriend lbr) but then harry kinda hugged you and lifted you up in the air while chanting "oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god"
and you buried your head into his shirt aww bby i was shipping it so hard in the corner i cant breathe
 
then ziall comes tromping behind harry and i just kinda sit there on the couch with my unfinished dew
 
they both had the biggest smiles on their faces max i wanna cry zayn looked so happy and contented and free like a gazelle galloping off to the sunset
then paul was smiling too and he said "great job lads that was the best performance by far"
then f ucking niall just flops himself beside me on the couch and rests his head on my shoulder and says "that's because we've got two of the greatest ladies backstage yeah"
 
i'm crying he nuzzled his head to my neck afterwards then he looked at me and his eyes were so pretty and they were shining brighter than rihanna's diamonds sorry i had to
harry's hands were wrapped around your waist and his chin rested on your shoulder and the two of you just looked so perfect oh my god max i'm crying you had your glasses on okay what a qt
dan, josh, and sandy entered backstage too but they went straight to the refreshments cooler aww babies
lou the stylist barreled in with two other backstage people and she handed the boys some of those wet wipe thingies idk
oh paul already collected the mics so yeah
zayn sat down on the foldable chair across the couch where niall and i were sitting then he wiped his face with the wet wipe and said "so where are we crashing next"
 
louis took his stage shirt off (goddammit) then lou tossed him a regular one and he said "i'm quite hungry"
 
niall: how does mcdonalds sound
liam: sound great nialler but what about nando's
niall: nah too far mcdonalds is closer and i'm hungry
harry: so to mcdonalds then ???
max: mcdonalds it is
louis: do we take the tour bus or my car
zayn: your car will do
aly: yeah remember the last time you drove your f ucking tour bus into a mcdonalds drive through
niall: THAT WAS YEARS AGO AND I WAS STARVING OKAY JESUS
 
everyone laughed at that dumb memory but then you cleared your throat and channeled ur inner management alter ego
omfg max u the man
"alright boys go get changed okay nothing fancy a couple of stagehands have prepared your casual clothes in the dressing room so wear those and slip on comfortable shoes so you dont hurt yourselves"
louis: do studs qualify as comfortable footwear
max: no louis we're going to mcdonald's not a football field now go
then you slapped his butt and the boys scurried to their dressing room
of course harry just HAD to kiss u before he left so
i asked josh (F UCKING LEGEND AIGHT) if they were going with us and he said no bc him and dan and sandy were going to the funky buddha with andy and tom daley oh my god ????///??//???
then i was like ok then you suddenly pulled me arm and told me we're headed to the other dressing room and i asked (more like whined tbh) you why then you told me we had to get changed too
me: but i dont wanna change clothes
you: whyyy aly give me a good reason why
me: bc im too lazy its too much work lifting my arms over my head is too much work and my arms hurt and my fingers hurt
you: oh come on aly u know u wanna change your clothes i know you feel sticky and sweaty too
me: i know but i dont think i have the strength to lift my arms over my head do u hear what im saying
you: aly come on the boys will be out soon and we have no time to waste mcdo would be packed by now
me: but theyre one f ucking direction they can basically rent out the entire restaurant for an hour or something
you: aly you know thats not the way they roll
me: yeah yeah i know im just tired and sore im done
you: sore from doing what
then you wink at me like a f ucking perv omfg
 
me: you did not just say that oh my god max i though we were over with this years ago we are basically young adults now what the f uck is wrong with you
you: yeah well look at me aly harry's my boyfriend and i'm pretty sure you're going to relationshipsville soon bc niall has the hots for you don't you even deny
me: NIALL DOESN'T HAVE THE HOTS FOR ME STOP MAKING S HIT UP OH MY GOD MAXINE VELAZCO HOW COULD YOU
they you just started laughing like a mad man oh my god max i hate you so much f uck this
 
then lou teasdale steals a glance at us and says "better get changed dahlings the lads will be out soon"
 
you: i f ucking told you aly now come on!!!
me: i didn't bring any clothes!!!
you: yes you did aly did you forget
me: max don't question me i'm pretty sure i'll remember if i brought my own clothes jesus christ
you: your australian band mate brought your pack remember
me: oh yeah nalimot ko
max: see ??? you're so limtanon nowadays
 
then we head for the dressing room beside the boys' and there were a bunch of noises in there oh my god
but idk you decide what we're wearing ok it's all good
oddly enough we were the first two people who changed clothes quickly oh my goddd
we left the dressing room then you leaned against the wall separating the two doors then i sat cross-legged on the floor across you
like zen ~~~
 
their door finally opened and harry was the first one outside in a plaid flannel shirt over a shirt and jeans and ofc skinny jeans god dammit harold give ur nuts some room to breathe
you: harry those jeans are not skinny
*those jeans are not casual
im sorry omg
 
me: yeah harold can your balls even breathe through the fabric
harry: stop embarrassing me!!!
then louis and liam and zayn stepped out next and then you gave them hugs and praised them for a job well done
then lima bean hauled me off the floor and hugged me too aww bless then louis and zayn joined in f uck my ife
and since i was a f ucking midget stranded in between three really tall dudes you could barely hear me ask "where teh fuq is niall"
o yeah
liam: baseball tee, jeans
lou: hipster shirt, shorts that went up to his knees
zayn: white shirt, denim jacket, jeans
louis: oops forgot my keys i'll be back
then he goes inside the dressing room again then niall dashes past him lord jesus christ
it's like he doused his hair into water bc it was sorta brown and sticking up in many angles and he was wearing that grey jumper with the huge triangle on it and sweatpants f uck me
then louis appears again with his keys and he had this big toothy grin on his face and he says "let's go"
~really weird blurry scene like a f ucking mirage then BAM we're in mcdonald's~
 
paul insisted we take at least three bodyguards with us so we did but they didn't ride with us in louis' car okay the seven of us barely fit inside oh my god of course louis was driving and zayn was on the shotgun seat but on the passenger's seat right behind lou and zayn half the seat was taken by lou's football gear which stunk omfg so you and harry occupied the other half (you forced harry to scoot over so you can have the window seat)
so lima bean, niall and i were basically fighting for air in the compartment
anyway
the bodyguards did their jobs pree damn well bc
of f ucking course the boys were automatically mobbed before they even stepped outta the car
your hair even got pulled by a cray-cray b itch oh my god
but harry was basically all over u ok omg bein all protective
i walked with zayn bc bros im crying
i was between him and liam and i felt so powerful i cant breathe
niall looked a wee bit jealous hehe i just had to ok
 
when we entered the building the fans were already screaming ok but the bodyguards knew what they were doing and they led us straight upstairs
 
paul already reserved tables for us bless
you know he actually reserved the whole second floor oh my god
so while we were trying to go upstairs a couple of fans nabbed you (one of them tried to claw your face i can't breathe) because jealousy and niall finally got his hands on me and snaked his arm on my back like a freaking gentleman fuq
niall: can't i have my mcdonalds in peace for once
me: yeah well it's your fault for being niall horan
he squeezed my waist f uck this
so louis was trying to entertain the crowd by cracking jokes as we weaved through bodies and bodies but it wasn't any good because ear piercing screams
you: why haven't i quit this job
harry: babe you know you can't quite because of me ;)
 
so we safely made our way to the second floor which was practically deserted god bless paul higgins
you: oh my god peace at last
niall: someone understands me see aly even max knows
aly: put a sock on it
 
so we connected five tables so that everyone could sit around and have a nice chat even the bodyguards
(niall likes taking pictures of his foot while watching the telly check his insta)
 
you: hehe aly remember when we used to do this with our friends every time we went to mcdo
 
me: yeah i know but we didn't have a whole floor reserved to ourselves back then smh
you: yeah that was tragic
 
harry: what was tragic love
you: we didn't have a whole floor reserved to ourselves in mcdonald's back in the philippines it was such a pain in the a ss to look for seats during lunch f ucking memories
 
niall: are you serious
aly: yes niall we're serious there was one time i gave up on mcdonald's and went home to eat me lunch instead
 
then when all the tables were aligned we all sat around it and one of the bodyguards asked us what we wanted bc he was gonna order it for us to avoid getting mobbed then you told him u could do it and harry was like "oh no you dont you almost got nabbed 9977664 times"
you: okay okay jesus
then we rambled a bunch of orders most of them were greasy burgers and fries ah life
 
then i suddenly stood up and you asked me where i was going then i told you i was going downstairs to where the sinks are to wash my hands
 
then u said u were going with me then louis was like "liam has hand sanitizer why would you do that" then i told him "i don't want my burger to taste like strawberries and oranges thanks" then you said "yeah me too and nothing beats water"
 
harry: i'm going with you okay i don't want any of you to get hurt
 
you: no harry seriously i think aly and i can handle a couple of girls
 
liam: max babe please do as harry said we don't want any of you to get hurt
me: bless you liam
max: y'all need to stop being such mothers aly and i can handle it okay
me: we can snoop around you know we're not incompetent
louis: seriously lads there's no use trying to argue with a bunch of uni students who graduated from the same high school so sit down and let them do their own stealth work okay
me: bless you louis
harry: i'm not risking it okay i'm going with you whether you like it or not
niall: and i think i need a wee
 
me: no niall you're not going to use your excretory system as an excuse to go with us downstairs sit your white girl ass down
 
niall: but alehhh i really need a wee i've been holding it in since "rock me"
me: you're f ucking impossible f uck you man
max: aly that's not a nice thing to say
me: not you too max goddammit
max: well we can't do anything about it now come on aly you too harry
harry: yes thank you babe (kisses you on the cheek aww bbys)
max: niall come on but be quick ok
niall: YES!!! (also kisses your cheek bby) thanks max you're the best
 
then he sticks his tongue out at me
 
me: how v mature niall how v mature indeed
 
then harry told them we'll be back in five and he held ur hand im convulsing omg ????
then we were almost at the stairs and niall and i were behind u then he f ucking grabbed my hand and i just "WHAT THE F UCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING OH MY GOD"
then you looked at us and u were wiggling ur eyebrows at me then i said "max do u wanna get kicked"
 
then harry looked at us and niall was still t r y i n g to grab my right hand and said "both of u are so weird"
 
me: yeah well can u pls tell this little s hit to keep his hands off me
harry: you swear a lot why is that
max: harry u dont go asking a question like that
harry: what its just weird i mean u swear a lot too
me: hello can u even see me
 
harry: im just curious its not everyday i meet a girl who swears a lot
me: NIALL GODDAMMIT ILL PUSH YOU OFF THE STAIRS IM NOT GONNA HESITATE
 
niall: aly i just wanna hold ur hand max and harry r doing it why cant we
me: bc were not max and harry do u c ur dilemma now
 
niall: whatever here gimme ur hand
 
so niall f ucking niall grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers
 
and of f uCKING COURSE YOU JUST HAD TO TAKE A PICTURE WOW MAX I HATE YOU SO F UCKING MUCH I WAS READY TO PUSH YOU AND HARRY OFF THE STAIRS
me: niall no okay f uck you
niall: aly come onnnnnnnn you're leaving back to cali soon :((( (deep frown!niall)
 
me: what does me going back to cali have to do with holding your sweaty hand goddammit
then when we reached downstairs you pushed harry against the wall and told him to follow ur lead
 
(hehe harry though u were gonna do something else uvu)
 
then i shook off niall's hand and told harry "i bet u were expecting something else hehe"
harry: aly shut up or ill tell max to tweet the photo
niall: tweet it tweet it tweet it
max: shut up ok i thought the two of u were supposed to be in hiding
 
idk how it happened but u successfully maneuvered all of us from the stairs to the toilets god bless management!max and all the years of experience
 
so niall went into the men's loo and there were too sinks so i was on the right and you were on the left and harry was standing between us like a bodyguard
 
and then i started singing happy birthday while washing my hands omfg max have i ever told u i sing happy birthday every time i wash my hands in restos
 
harry: alright max tell me what aly's problem is
aly: i don't have problems right now a-hole
harry: then why r u singing happy birthday
 
aly: it's a hygiene thing i dont expect u to understand
#burn f ucker
max: oh my god aly stop (cackling)
 
then niall exits the loo and makes an attempt to grab my hand again and max oh my god
im sorry but i had to yank harry in front of me as a human shiled
*shield
 
"OH NO YOU DON'T YOU SICK F UCK I'M NOT TOUCHING YOUR HAND OKAY YOU JUST TOOK A PISS YOU FILTHY F UCK WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WASH YOUR HANDS"
 
max: OH MY GOD ALY WHAT OH MY GOD
aly: WASH YOUR HANDS FIRST AND THEN WE'LL TALK OKAY
 
harry was cackling oh my god i can't breathe harold stop
(you know this story is gonna end soon since we're in the sinks)
 
niall: you're so mean :(((
me: aww i'm sorry niall but hygiene first okay it is law
 
then niall washed his hand omfg
 
then this girl about 12-yrs-old
walks up to us
and harry was like "here we goooooo"
bc he totes thought the girl was gonna ask for a picture/autograph
but then she didnt even look at harry she went straight to you omg
 
and then she was so cute max i cant breathe she was blond
and she was like "you're max right?"
 
you knelt a bit and said "yes why baby"
then she was like "you're so pretty i wanna be like you when i grow up"
 
then i woke up f uck

Sierra was happily greeting her guests, Andi and Brooke by her side.
 
The smile was immediately wiped off her face, though, when Andi leaned into her and whispered, "Sierra, I'm trying really hard not to burst out into inappropriate, boisterous laughter. Look behind you."
 
Sierra turned around, slowly, to find her sister, Ronnie, descending the stairs in a dress that looked like a cotton candy machine had thrown up on it.
 
Sierra momentarily forgot everything she learned about proper etiquette and screamed, "RONNIE! WHAT THE F UCK IS THAT?"